shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
