he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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