That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
