I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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