I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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