I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
