Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
