I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
