Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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