It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So. Much. Porn.
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