He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
