you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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