She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
