Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
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I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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