I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
