Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
