You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
