Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
