On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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