The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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