jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
