i jhust puked up my retainher.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
