cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Actions speak louder than pants.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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