My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
