just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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