I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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