if you like me you must not know who I am
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
