who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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