Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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