We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
