The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Someone shit on the floor
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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