I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
