I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
