He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
