I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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