Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
