You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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