and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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