i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
