Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
