walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
