Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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