wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There r osticjed everywhere
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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