someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
