The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
