You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
