just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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