Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
