It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize