He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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