Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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