how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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