True but thats because hes a fetus.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
