I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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