if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize