I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drake has all the answers
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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