she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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