I accidentally had phone sex last night
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
