we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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