Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize