you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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