I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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