People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Non-Jews are for practice
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
