her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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