So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
