'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize