Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
