i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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