Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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