I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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