Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
