I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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