Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's blow job season.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
