I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
