Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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