He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
