I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
