he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
