How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
