I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize