She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
