I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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