You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
